The Second Greatest Steve Spurrier Joke Ever

Steve Spurrier comes into the locker room before practice and says to his star receiver, "You’re failing math. If you don’t want to become academically ineligible you’ll have to answer these math questions correctly."

The star receiver agrees and Spurrier asks him "What does 4 plus 4 equal?”
"Eleven” says the athlete. The rest of the team pleads, “give him another chance! give him another chance!”
Spurrier then asks, "What does 2 plus 2 equal?" and the receiver says "Four". The rest of the team yells give him another chance! give him another chance!”

Go You Silver Britches!

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4 days, 10 hours and thirty-five minutes!

How 'bout them dawgs!?

Why God Won’t Go Away

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Atheism is certainly nothing new. In fact, many first century Christians were accused of being atheists because they stopped believing in the pantheistic system of many gods of their culture. The beginning of atheism being the main stream thought in Western Culture began as a philosophic outpouring of the industrial age. The so-called Modern man was too rational and too logical to be bogged down with the superstitious subjects of faith and religion. This full blown cultural shift was brought to bear populously by the Scopes “Monkey” trial and seen its culmination culturally in the Ữber logical Mr. Spock on TV’s Star Trek.

But a cultural shift only lasts so long before it begins to be overrun by the next philosophical upheaval. Modernity was rapidly replaced by post-modernism and the “end of reason” crowd soon told us that “what’s good for you is good for you, and what’s good for me is good for me.” Along with this came a renewed interest in all things spiritual. Not necessarily the religion of your grandparents, but absolutely not the stagnant, cold, unbelieving rationality of your parents either. Gen X began to seek after a new spirituality that was zen and created fung shui.

Coming out of this new postmodern, all things go, mentality, the clerics of atheism began a new atheistic movement, dubbed unoriginally as “New Atheism.”  Targeting not just the illogicality of religion, but taking a much nastier turn than the live and let live of old, new atheism pompously touts itself as the only kid on the block. Men such as Richard Dawkins (the scientist, not to be confused with Newkirk on Hogan’s Heroes), Christopher Hitchens, and Sam Harris do battle with the likes of Ravi Zacharias, Alister McGrath, and William Lane Craig, three of the brightest minds in Christian Apologetics.

McGrath’s Book, Why God Won’t Go Away, answers these critics from New Atheism and delivers a resounding blow to an anti-religion fad that is on its way to the junk piles of history. The book would be suitable for someone that is above average in their knowledge of apologetics, but it is really designed for the individual with an even higher understanding than that. Not recommended as casual reading or for the causal theologian…unless you’re suffering from insomnia. But for the pastor or serious Bible student, this would come as highly recommended.

Trust And Obey

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An eighty year old man had never flown on an airplane. Finally, he worked up the courage to buy a ticket. He flew on a round trip to New York. When he got back his kids asked him how things went. He said, “Well, it was fine. But to tell you the truth, I never really put all my weight on it.”




Many of us do the same thing…spiritually. We claim that we place all of our confidence on God, but we never really put our full weight on Him. We find other things to put our trust in: money, relationships, stuff. Oh, here’s a good one. Many people place their trust in religion. They believe that religion can save them. I once asked a man if he was a Christian. He said, “I grew up in a Christian home.” I said, “Being born in a Christian home no more makes you a Christian than being born in a doughnut shop makes you a cop.” Religion doesn’t save us. Rituals and Rites don’t bring us closer to God,



So only place your trust in one thing. God Himself. Put the full weight of your confidence in the One that deserves your trust. David said, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” Amen David.

Help Wanted: A Witness

In Revelation 11 we read about the Two Witnesses.




I wonder....hmmmm............................................................................

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I wonder if God is accepting applications for one of these 2 positions? I could do this job. I would love the benefits.



The Bible says that if any one tries to stop them when they preach, fire comes out of their mouths and devours that person.



This could come in handy.

“Preacher, we wish you wouldn’t preach past 12 o’clock.” Psssssst.

“Preacher, we can’t find any one to teach the seventh grade boys class.” Psssssst.
“Preacher, what in the world were you thinking preaching on tithing? Talking money and sin from the pulpit is a sure-fired way of running people off.” Psssssst.
“Preacher, I make a motion that we paint the baptistery purple & orange with a Tiger Paw in the front.” Psssssst.
“Preacher, the Constitution and By-law says tha” Psssssst.


Also, the Bible says that they could keep it from raining for as long as they wanted. They could turn the water into blood. And, they could cause plagues to strike the earth as often as they want.


Well, maybe I’d better leave this to the experts. I wouldn’t want to accidently start a swine flu epidemic because I overheard someone gossiping in the church parking lot about a fellow member.

Boise State And Underwhelming Football

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So there has been much discussion about the UGA v Boise State game. No doubt BSU has a great team. I would never consider them overrated; I learned that lesson watching the Football Kick-Off Classic last year. (You know the old joke about a Hookie being a castrated rooster???) The problem that Boise State fans don’t seem to get is that their team may be good, but their competition is not. All this talk about a BCS Championship game appearance is way over the top. Let’s say for arguments sake that BSU defeats UGA. All we will hear from Boise fans will be how they beat a SEC team and how that validates their contention for a BCS birth. But they should not get ahead of themselves.




First of all, as a lifelong, died in the wool, red-blooded, silver britches wearing, Bulldawg fan; let me be the one who says that UGA is not a stand-out SEC team this year (or for the last several, honestly.) Defeating the Bulldogs would be a good notch in their belt, but considering the SEC East Champion Gamecocks were ranked sixth in the conference, beating UGA does not equal being considered a first tier team—or deserving a BCS Championship spot.



BSU fans, it’s time to come down to earth and do a reality check. Yes, your first and last game of the season is always against a high level team and you perform admirably. The reason is because you don’t have the grueling week in and week out schedule. I know you are tied to your conference and I applaud you for scheduling anyone and everyone that will play you. But when the season is over, you will have played no ranked teams. (Maybe one…if TCU is still ranked.) South Carolina will have played five, Georgia will have played five, Alabama will have played seven, Auburn seven, and LSU seven. When Alabama and LSU play each other BSU will play UNLV. When USC plays Auburn, BSU plays Nevada. When UGA plays UF, Boise will be in a bye week coming off Air Force. And when the SEC Championship game has the two best SEC teams knocking each other off again, Boise will be starting to prep for their January bowl game.

Sorry Boise. Playing two ranked teams does not qualify you to jump a one loss SEC, PAC 12, or Big Twelve team. It just doesn’t.

College Will Not Play Nation Anthem Due To Violent Content

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C'mon man #6





So Goshen College has told us that they will no longer play the Nation Anthem at NCAA home games because the content is too violent. According to college president James E. Brenneman, the song is incongruent with the Mennonite philosophy of passivism, and therefore; they are switching to America the Beautiful instead.





C'mon man! part 1...

Major League baseball has long held that God Bless America could be played in lieu of the Star Spangled Banner. (Not to be confused with Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA. Kate Smith's lyrics here.) So no prob with switching songs------but because it is TOO VIOLENT!?!?!?!!? Have you ever heard the last stanza of America the Beautiful?



O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man's avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!


Oh, yeah...the violent content that is so offensive to Mennonite ears??? "The rockets' red glare; the bombs bursting in air" I kid you not. Oh my lord, I need to duct tape my head before it explodes!




C'mon man! part 2

あなたが これを読み 取るこ とができな  い場合...その後アメリカ の暴力的な過去をあ りがとう！

Google translate HERE

New Post At Biblical Turbulence

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A New Post is avaiable at Biblical Turbulence on Divorce and Remarriage.....................

HERE

Presidential

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OK boys and girls, our word for today is Presidential.




Presidential [prez-i-den-shuhl]: of or pertaining to a president or presidency; or of the nature of a president or to seem president like. via Old French from Late Latin praesidens





Hmmm. Which one of these guys should be under that definition??????????

C'mon, Mr. President, man!
That's a girls bike! What'er you?! Steve Urkel!? All that's missing are streamers from the handle bars and a "ring, ring" bell.

Look at Perry. Red power tie. Hand in pocket. Leg propped. A man's man. Kinda like the Dos Equis guy.

Stick A Fork In Me….

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I’m done! Another semester down! When I graduated from THE Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, I knew that I would eventually pursue a D-Min. (Well, I thought more like a PhD, buttttt… A Doctor of Ministry it is.)

Another semester down, another semester closer to May 2013 and the ultimate “stick-a-fork-in-me." When that day comes, you won’t have to read a post; you’ll hear me woot wooting where ever you are!

In other news, Luke starts school tomorrow as a Sophomore. My baby-boy. Wow! 2014 will be here sooner that May 2013 I think! I am actually ready to be an Empty Nester. Patty and I have never had that and I’m looking forward to traveling a little more, which we could do with just two of us.

 I am rapidly approaching 14k hits. Yeah, baby! Spread the word, people. Hit that share button thingy on your FaceBook. I mean, who wouldn’t want to read this stuff?! Plus, the sooner I get to 14k hits a day, the sooner I can start making some money on this thing! Then the traveling can start much sooner. KIDDING! I’m just kidding! Sheez. [It’d take at least a 100k a day to make any real money, anyway!] ha?

Patty is back at work and starting classes for her EdS. (Similar to a D-Min for teachers. It's an Education Specialist for you unrefined folks.) Some states call it 30+; meaning 30 hours over a Masters degree. But it is the same class work as an EdD, just no dissertation either. So we’re both in school together. Again. Oh well. At least this time when we’re done, there’s not much else to pursue.

Unless I finish that MBA……

Marriage For Dummies: Making It Work God’s Way

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One of my classes for this summer is an advanced class on Biblical Counseling. So we had to “pretend” to write a sermon outline for Ephesians 5:21-33 and then define male headship and wifely submission. So here’s my stab at it:






Marriage For Dummies: Making It Work God’s Way




I. The Role Of Submission


Submission; Not Subservience (Just as Jesus was submissive to the Father, but ever equal with the Father, so the wife should submit to the husband, but remains equal)


21 Submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.



II. The Rule Of Sanctification



Servant-Leadership; Following The Savior’s Example


25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.




III. The Responsibility Of Sacrifice



Sacrificial Love; Leading By Loving (Christ’s love for the church was so great He was willing to die for her. So husbands should put the welfare of wife and family first.)


28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."




IV. The Reciprocity Of Selflessness



Shared Respect; Seeing Christ IN Each Other



32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.



"male headship": The husband is ordained by God to be the spiritual leader of the house and family. While it is possible for him to delegate authority to his wife, i.e. paying bills, disciplining the children, etc., he cannot delegate the responsibility. Ultimately, God holds the man responsible for the happiness and spiritual well being of the family.


"female submission" Submission should not be confused with subservience. The wife is to submit to her husband’s decisions, especially on matters that are spiritual in nature. She has a voice and should support her husband by freely advising him as a partner in the marriage and parenting. Ultimately; however, she should support her husband’s decisions.



Yep! That'd preach!

Pastor Tased; Woman Stabbed, Minister of Music On The Run!

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C'mon Man! #4


The minister of music at New Welcome Baptist Church in St Elmo, Alabama tasered the pastor after the services Sunday. The pastor fired the song-guy and when he handed him his last check...ZZZZZAP! It was downhill from there.

A fight broke out, eventually leading a deacon to stab the song guy's mother in the arm with a pocket knife. This is what happens when you have women deacons! (I'm just saying, I'm just saying!) Arrest warrents have been issued for the song guy and deacon. Talk about the need for some Zen-Calvinism

C'mon Man!

What? Me Worry?

To borrow a phrase from Sheriff Buford T. Justice, “What da *Heck* is da world com’n to?!”

First, as college football season closes in, we have the bizarre new world we must contend with. A PAC 12? Or, try this one on for size, the Big Ten has 12 teams and the Big 12 has 10 teams! Reports of Clemson coming to the SEC East and Texas A&M to the SEC West!!!!

Madness! Shear madness!

OK, if that’s wasn’t bad enough, news reports are touting the possibility of Bert and Ernie getting married on Sesame Street. Sesame Workshop, the owners of the characters and show say Bert and Ernie are simply “best friends.” For now.

China has an aircraft carrier so they can spread intimidation globally and the roller coaster ride of the stock market gives new meaning to the term Scream Machine. It’s a sorry world. What’s next? Cats living with dogs, water running uphill, an honest politician?!

Well there is one thing that is sure, steady, and reliable.

The Word says,

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies. Psalm 18:2-3 (NKJV)

What!? Me worry? Nope; the Lord is my Rock!

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The POTUS Is My Shepherd

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The POTUS is my Shepherd,

I am in want.

He maketh me lie down on park benches,

He leadeth me beside still factories,

He disturbeth my soul.

Yea, though I walk through I walk through the valley of recession,

I anticipate no recovery;

For he is with me,

His tax and health plan, they discomfort me.

He prepareth a reduction in my salary in the presence of my enemies

He anointeth my small dividends with great losses.

My expenses runneth over.

Surely unemployment and poverty shall be his legacy

All the days of his term.

And we shall dwell in a land mortgaged to China, forever.

Memory Lane And Chunky Steve

So a friend sent me this picture today. ********sigh************

Makes Fat Pastor look mild by comparison.

Patty laughed and laughed when she saw that old Vaucluse Elementary picture. She said I was "chunky." Whatever that means. I though I was quite debonair. Check out those glasses on Miss Spradley! Some of the people in that picture I haven't seen in over 30 years yet I knew their names on sight and remembered every thing that was important to a fifth grader in 1979. I might not remember what I preached last month, but I'll never forget these kids from the final class of Vaucluse Elementary School!

 Go Rocks!

(Of course, I could use some photo shop guru to shave about 15lbs off me or work in this picture of me in  my Navy days.)

New Sermons

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Three new messages are up at my Sermon.net site, or at the bottom of this page.

My Prime Rib

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I love Solomon. First of all, he was a hopeless romantic. Consider my favorite passage from the Song of Songs:

1 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, you are beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are like doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats streaming down Mount Gilead.

2 Your teeth are white like newly sheared sheep just coming from their bath. Each one has a twin, and none of them is missing.

3 Your lips are like red silk thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks behind your veil are like slices of a pomegranate.

4 Your neck is like David's tower, built with rows of stones. A thousand shields hang on its walls; each shield belongs to a strong soldier.

5 Your breasts are like two fawns, like twins of a gazelle, feeding among the lilies.

6 Until the day dawns and the shadows disappear, I will go to that mountain of myrrh and to that hill of incense.

7 My darling, everything about you is beautiful, and there is nothing at all wrong with you.

Solomon certainly loved him some Shulamite woman. Long neck and all. (After all, there is nothing wrong with her at all. And as a bonus, she has all of her teeth!)

But Solomon was also the wisest guy who ever lived. Combine the two and you have someone who really knows his stuff when it comes to romantic love. I also love the fact that Solomon was carnivorous!

Consider what he wrote in Proverbs 15:17;

A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate. (NLT)

Solomon knew that a vegetarian diet was lame-o. But he would rather eat his peas with Mrs. Solomon than have a Porterhouse with a business associate. Listen again, this time from the CEV;

A simple meal with love is better than a feast where there is hatred.

Solomon and I share something else in common. (I’ll let you decide if I mean wisdom, romanticism, or a love of red meat.) Obviously, I mean that we both have something that makes life worth living. And today marks year number 21. Twenty-one years of waking up next to my sweetie-pie, my snookie-lumps, my prime rib, my good thing.

And so, once again this August 4th, I give a little extra praise to God; for knowing the make-up of my DNA and for completing my life by giving to me the same gift He gave so long ago to Adam-- bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, and an eternal mate for my soul.

Happy Anniversary Patty Dawn Anderson Leigh. You complete me.

Back To School Bash

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Tonight we had a back-to-school bash at church. What a great success! We had a great turn-out and the kids had an incredible time.

Our Men’s Ministry grilled hot dogs and made chili and I made baked beans.

We had games set up and then the kids lined up for school supplies. At the end we “raffled”off the remaining supplies. Each of the thirty or so kids got a ticket and we systematically called out each number. The younger ones really got a kick out of “winning.” 

The line into the Fellowship Hall streeeeeetched out down the building. We had prepared for 50 so we had to run out and get more food. A BIG thanks to Trey at IGA for donating some last minute hot dogs and buns!

All I all, it was a great evening at Beaverdam!

Spiderman No More!

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Spiderman No More!
   C'Mon Man! #3

Why can't our superheroes be left alone. Why the insistence on making our comic book marvels politically correct? When DC made Green Lantern an African American, I didn't balk. In Brightest day and darkest night has nothing to do with skin color. If a black man is wearing the green tights, I've got no beef.

When Superman renounced his US Citizenship; however, I cried foul. There was no defensible plot line except playing to the overtly anti-American overseas audience. When Captain America was no longer called Captain America in places like Japan and Germany...well...OK. The Japs and Krauts get a pass on that one! I wouldn't go see a movie called Captain Viet Cong, either.



But making Spiderman a "half-black half-Hispanic" possibly gay, neurotic, teenager is just wayyyyyyy over the top. C'mon man!? If y'all want to kill off Peter Parker and replace him with a Hispanic Pedro Gonzales, I'm fine with that. Or, a Jewish Paul Horowitz. Knock youself out! But playing to the p/c stuff to that degree is simply insulting.



I stoped reading comic books when I was about 14-15. And my son doesn't read them for several reasons (mostly because he enjoys reading novels and the fact that I can't afford them. I'd have to mortgage the parsonage to keep him comic books.) But if I/we did, rest assured it wouldn't be any of that p/c crap.



I say again: C'mon man!



No, no! C'mon, Stan! For real!?

When It's Peach Picking Time In Georgia

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 I heard a story about a boy that used to climb down a tree near his bedroom window in order to escape punishment. One night he over heard his father tell his mother that he was going to cut down the tree, because it had stopped producing fruit. The panicked boy spent all night with a bushel of peaches and a tube of superglue, and the next morning the tree was full of peaches. He then listen for his father to come in with the morning paper and ran downstairs to the breakfast table to see if his plan had worked. Sure enough, the father said, “I can’t believe it, that old tree is full of peaches.” Then, looking right at his son, he exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” Getting nervous, the boy said, “Why do you say that dad?” His father smiled and answered, “Because it’s a pear tree!”

The one thing about a tree...it is known by its fruit. A peach tree doesn’t grow cherries and a pear tree doesn’t grow apples. Fruit reflects the character of the Tree that produces it. Umm...and a Believer’s character is reflected by the fruit he produces. The Bible often refers to men as trees. (See Daniel 4) And Paul compares certain characteristics of the victorious Christian life with fruit:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Galations 5:22-23 (NKJV)

Makes some sense, uh? The Bible asks are we (God's fruit trees) producing love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self -control?

Do we focus on these nine “fruits?” Are they present in our life? Do we bear them all? Do we love, have joy, and are we at peace? Are we longsuffering? Are we kind, good, and faithful?Do we exhibit gentleness, and self -control?

Let us allow the Holy Spirit to fertilize our lives and till the fallow ground of our hearts so we will bear much of these fruits.

Food for thought.

True Wealth

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I recently read an article about a pastor who was preaching in view of a call. As he got up to approach the pulpit, the chairman of the pulpit committee told him to notice an elderly lady sitting on the front row. She was dressed rather shabbily with several patched holes in her dress, and the leather of her shoes had begun to separate from the soles. The preacher later remarked about his distress for her, and wondered if she was in need of financial assistance.





Then the story was told. She and her husband were sheep farmers and lived in a small cabin and owned an old, but reliable truck. One day oil was discovered on their ranch. Contracts were signed and wells put up. However, before the first royalty checks arrived the husband died. Between her grief and timidity, the woman chased off the lawyers and never signed any additional papers. The wells continue to go up, and she continued to refuse the papers, and so the royalty checks kept amassing; never cashed. She was a millionaire on paper, but a pauper in existence.



Likewise, I am convinced that too many of us that call upon the name of Jesus live in want because we have chased away the Holy Spirit. It is not always intentional, but it is a reality. How do we grieve (chase away) the Spirit? Perhaps we are like the farmer's wife and we are too timid. The Bible says that we are not given a spirit of timidity, but of power, of love, and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) Many believers don't accept what God has in store for them. Or, even sadder, they won't accept the challenge that God gives them.



The inverse is also true, however. Some seek position and prominence in the church. This also grieves the Spirit. The Lord does not like a haughty spirit, or one who is puffed up. In-other-words, full of themselves. (See Proverbs 6:17) When a Believer seeks prominence, instead of allowing God to call them to some task, they are running ahead of God. This comes through most obviously, to me anyway, in some men who have an "itch to preach." No, you have an itch to be scratched. If you stand before God's people to deliver God's words, you better make sure you have been called. Many good intentioned men have taken churches down roads of irreparable harm because they felt an itch, which could have been scratched by teaching a Sunday School class.

 
All in all, though, the basic idea is that we are missing out because we grieve the Spirit. I cannot help but think about so many Believers that are this way. Jesus said that we have not because we ask not. (Or that when we ask, it is of the wrong spirit.) We are millionaires in the heavenlies, yet we live like spiritual paupers on earth. That is the whole point of victorious Christian living. Instead of us feeling empty, and tired, and bankrupt, we should be freed to live like the victors that we are. Life will not always be easy; we will not always have our wants fulfilled; but we can be victorious in the life that we lead! If we will seek His will, His face, and suplant our desires with His.