A Biblio-centric View of College Football in the South

July in the South means one thing...College Football starts in less than 2 month! (April means football starts in 5 months. May: 4 months. You get the point.)


So it is in just a few weeks now. Cancel your Lifetime subscription, ladies. You won't be watching any Meridith Baxter Burney marathons for a few months. Church will drastically change in both temperament and color variation, as clashing team colors are proudly displayed. Sunday school classes are taken over by discussions of the Coach's Poll (OSU pre season #1? Seriously!?) and the etiquette of eating candy corn and peanuts is heatedly debated. (Pick out the Indian Corn, or just grab a handful?)

As a dutiful shepherd and pastor of the flock, here are ten tips for getting things right this season.

1) When your biggest rival loses, only taunt their fans outside of the sanctuary.

2) Remember this; God's TV room is painted Red and Black.

3) While it may not be a sin to wear Orange to church, it is a transgression.

4) "Sanford Stadium" in the original Greek, means, "The Place Where God's Glory Dwells" (κατοικεί δόξα)


5) The Faithful will all ways pull against their in-state rival, despite what the False Prophet of the Play-Off-System saith.

6) Our mascot is cuter than your mascot.



7) Notre Dame will always be ranked pre-season, despite the inability to win against ranked opponents. They are the Cotton Candy of College Football. Lots of size, not much substance. A lot of taste at first, then it melts away when any real contact is made. Give-me-a-break.

8) Pastors do a lot more "sermon prep" on Saturday's in the Fall. As in, "I can't make it to the Chairman of the Deacons funeral this Saturday, I.. uh..need to..uh...do sermon prep."


9) Buy soft things that can be used as projectiles and thrown at the TV. And if you live in a parsonage, for the love of all that is holy, sound proof the TV room.

10) Enjoy College football. It is one of the most relaxing, de-stressing, and morally sound things I know! :)

It's so hot...

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It's ‎103*f with a heat index of 115, 74 dew pont and 45% humidity. It's so hot even the Devil's praying for rain!

Talk About The Pot Calling The Kettle Blaaa…ummmmmmmmm

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So. The POTUS scolded Congress today for taking too much vacation time. Seriously!? Mr. 75 rounds of golf a year. Mr. I’m going to Europe to plug Chicago’s chance for an Olympic bid. Mr. Martha’s Vineyard. Seriously?

This is great! Check out the article here.

And then take a peak here



Talk about the pot calling the kettle blaaa..ummmmmmmm. Maybe another analogy. (I’ve already had a long time “friend” call me a racist because I dared to state my opinion on his policies.) Let’s go with, “Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

More Southern speak??? How 'bout this....
 He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.

Quick Update

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I passed 9,000 hits last week, and published my 250th post. Both milestones I meant to mention as they happened, but oh, well. The life of a Pastor/D Min student/Husband/Father/Band Club President, I guess.

In other news, I have been diagnosed with gout. Or as it is called here in South Carolina, The Gout. Not sure about that definite article there. I don't think that I have the only gout that there is.

It reminds me of Kentucky, where folks with diabetes had The Sugar. "Did you hear about Brother Steve? He has THE SUGAR." (done, done, DONNNNNE!) "Nope. But I did hear that Preacher Leigh has THE GOUT."
Bless his heart! He has the everything.


Anyway. No biggie. Just the most excruciating pain I have ever had. Ha. I had to get Luke to drive me to the Urgent Care Saturday. My right knee would not bend. So I couldn't even use my imaginary brake on the passenger side.


So, it's Spring Time here in South Carolina. We are surrounded by pine trees. If you're a southerner you know what that means. If you're a Yankee (or from the left coast), you know how people up y'alls way refer to snow? Like inches (or feet if you're far enough north.) Well that's how we refer to pollen.

"We got 3" today."

"That's nothing. I remember the great pollizard of sevemty-tooo. Why, we musta got a foot if we got an inch."


So I said all of that to say this, my sinuses have been on overdrive the last week or so. I hacked and coughed all through my Sunday morning.

The Gout!
The Sugar!
The Pollen!

I'm telling you folks, I'm much too young to feel this old!

Hotter Than A Snake's Belly In A Wagon Rut

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I love Southern idioms. For instance: "It's hotter than a snake's belly in a wagon rut," and brother, that's hot.

This is the third day in a row that the actualized air temp is over 100*f. And the next four days are so forecasted as well. Currently, (2:16 pm on July 23, 2010) Weatherbug has the air temp at 97*f with a dew point of 79*f making the "feel like temp" 113*f. It will get over 100*f  by 4:00. How hot that will make the feel like I don't know, but it'll be hotter than a goat's colon in a pepper patch.  Welcome to the Southeast, baby!



All that leading back to my idioms:

"It's hotter than a habanero stuffed jalapeno popper."

"It's hotter than a $2 pistol."

"It's hotter than a firecracker on the 4th of July."

"It's hotter than a mule chewing on a bumblebee!"

Ahh...welcome to the South indeed!

Can't Hardly Wait!

3 days and counting!

He Is Our Path

The story is told of a man on an African safari deep in the jungle. The guide before him had a machete and was whacking away the tall weeds and thick underbrush. The traveler, wearied and hot, asked in frustration, “Where are we? Do you know where you are taking me? Where is the path?!” The seasoned guide stopped and looked back at the man and replied, “I am the path.”

I love that story, perhaps mostly because I ask that question from time to time. I have found that living in a small community in South Carolina can be like a safari. “Do you know where I can find Cassatt-Junction Road?” “Sure! Go to where uncle Lem used to have his farm. Turn right by that oak tree where Sally Hoskins was hung by the Yankees back in 1865. If you come to the sight of the Great Barn Fire of ’56, you’ve gone too far. Turn around and go back.” And who can trust the GPS out here. If you are ever coming home from Lake Wateree at night, for heaven’s sake don’t trust the GPS! It has no idea about dirt roads or wooden bridges!

Have you ever asked God if He was sure He knew where He was taking you? I have, and God’s answer is the same as the safari guide’s...“I am the path.” Even if God did tell me what path I was on, I would be as lost as if I were looking for Cassatt-Junction Road. God sees the Big Picture, and I don’t.

God also saw fit to send me a Guide, however. Jesus promised in John 14, “I will ask the Father to send you the Holy Spirit who will help you and always be with you. The Spirit will show you what is true.” (CEV) The Holy Spirit says, “I am the Path.” Whatever storms of life may rage around us, we have an advocate with the Father. No matter how confusing the directions sometimes seem, (where Uncle Lem used to have his farm) Jesus promises us that He “will not leave us orphans.” (John 14:18 NKJV)


Blessings,

Steve