A Rabbi Walked Into A Bar With A Box Of Oil

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2 Kings 9 and 10 tell the story of Jehu. This is the funniest, brutalist, and yet, most moving of the escapades of Elisha recorded in the Bible. While the story is long in its telling, it is direct and to the point in its application. Jehu, realizing God’s call and acting upon it in timely fashion, is able to overthrow the brutal regime of Jezebel. More specifically, it ends the regime of Joram, Jezebel’s vassal off-spring of the hellish union between her and Ahab.

The specifics are bloody and brutal, Jehu starts off as a hero and winds up a bloodied tyrant of a king, Jezebel ends up a crumpled mess on the palace floor, eaten by dogs to the point of unrecognizableness. Seventy princes are slain at Jezreel, and the line of ungodliness continues.

But, if you look hard enough, perhaps even with head cocked to the right and eyes squinted just so, you can see and hear the God of Psalm 2, laughing and shaking His head in bewilderment at the saga and drama of the lowly creatures He made. Their deft attempts to bring Him low, allowing the angels to snigger just a bit. The comedy revolves around a young rabbi and a task fitting for a priest.

Elisha tasks one of his seminary students with the job of anointing Jehu king of Israel. This is not altogether surprising, considering he also sent Gehazi to answer the door when Haaman came knocking. But it is not quite as irreverent as it may first seem. The young prophet would not attract the same attention as the venerable old Elisha, whom no doubt Jezebel had a cruel and crooked eye on all the time. Treachery, as Joram would later call this, would be less likely seen in the young rabbi. So he anoints Jehu as king, using his “box” of oil. This would not have been a simple, modern anointing…touching of the finger to oil, then transference to the head. Oh, no. This would be Six quarts of oil, poured casually over the entire body, head first.

Leaving the empty box of oil, the young fled quickly. Treachery is a tricky business after all. The funny part comes from Jehu’s reaction. When asked about the youngster’s motives, Jehu plays it cool. “It was nuttin.” When pressed by his comrades, Jehu, dripping from a fresh bath in 6 quarts of oil, fesses up to the prophet’s motive. They pronounce their intentions to recognize him as king, and off the troupe heads to Jezreel to see about the coup in proper fashion. Spelled: High Treason and Execution. He rides furiously, still covered in oil. I can imagine the dust and horse hair sticking to his skin and clogging up the pores.

Perhaps I read the Bible differently than you, but this always makes me crack a smile, and, turning my head just right, I think I might hear Elisha chuckle a bit also. The thought of this brute, covered with dirt, oil, and fur, bring down the most beautiful, and wicked, women who ever lived…her face painted, hair tired, looking very much like an ancient Tammy Faye Baker…must have brought some satisfaction to the old preacher.

Hard as we try, we are just human after all! And seeing the downfall of folks who come against you has some satisfying elements—at least when the down fall is God’s doing, not your own. I can sympathize with Elisha. Jezebel’s comeuppance was long overdue. And to think, it all started when a young Rabbi walked into a bar with a box of oil in his arms, looking to do God’s will.

The Platypus and the Divine God

If anyone wonders if God has a sense of humor, just look at the platypus. A beaver with a duckbill, and a mammal that lays eggs…what a design! God is a lot of things. Adjectives fail to encapsulate Him. He is Holy, Good, Righteous, Just, and Sovereign. And, He is funny. Do you read the Bible the way I do? Then you know.

Consider Moses. Moses insists on a sign from God, and God says, “Take that stick in your hand and throw it on the ground.” Moses does and POOF, it becomes a snake. Moses runs and God has to call him back. That’s funny. I can picture Moses in mid flee, when God tells him to come back and pick up the snake. Now I have faith, but I might have kept running. When Jehu rides into Jerusalem to kill Jezebel, she does a Tammy Faye Baker and loads on the make up. I picture her with her hand on one hip, slightly turned toward the window saying, “Hey big boy.” (Think Mae West) Of course she was over 60 YEARS OLD! Not so inciting any more there Jez, baby. Jehu is 30 and he is not Ahab, and he sure ain’t interested. Which is part of the reason Jehu had her thrown out of the window. Now, that’s funny. Think about Elijah up there on Mt Carmel. The prophets of Baal are dancing around and cutting themselves trying to get their god to ignite some kindlin. Elijah…Lord love him…taunts them. He says, having trouble getting your god’s attention. Maybe he’s sleeping. Maybe he’s on vacation. And then, just as the prophets are getting their blood a’boiling (and a spewing) Elijah says, “hmph…maybe he’s in the john.” Now friends, that is funny.

Now here is something funny. I met with a man from Bethel Baptist Church in Olanta, SC. The search committee asked him to meet with me and so we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel. I interviewed with the full committee on the phone. This guy was really nice, and had a lot of nice things to say about his church. He also mentioned, just in passing really, about the “other” church in town. His comments about this sister congregation were less than flattering. The committee sent me an email Monday to tell me they were going to keep looking. Here is the funny part. Monday, I received a letter from the “other” church in Olanta asking me if I was interested in their search. Ahhh. You gotta love God.