Thursday, July 3, 2014

A Biblio-centric View of College Football in the South

July in the South means one thing...College Football starts in less than 2 month! (April means football starts in 5 months. May: 4 months. You get the point.)

So it is in just a few weeks now. Cancel your Lifetime subscription, ladies. You won't be watching any Meridith Baxter Burney marathons for a few months. Church will drastically change in both temperament and color variation, as clashing team colors are proudly displayed. Sunday school classes are taken over by discussions of the Coach's Poll (OSU pre season #1? Seriously!?) and the etiquette of eating candy corn and peanuts is heatedly debated. (Pick out the Indian Corn, or just grab a handful?)

As a dutiful shepherd and pastor of the flock, here are ten tips for getting things right this season.

1) When your biggest rival loses, only taunt their fans outside of the sanctuary.

2) Remember this; God's TV room is painted Red and Black.

3) While it may not be a sin to wear Orange to church, it is a transgression.

4) "Sanford Stadium" in the original Greek, means, "The Place Where God's Glory Dwells" (κατοικεί δόξα)

5) The Faithful will all ways pull against their in-state rival, despite what the False Prophet of the Play-Off-System saith.

6) Our mascot is cuter than your mascot.

7) Notre Dame will always be ranked pre-season, despite the inability to win against ranked opponents. They are the Cotton Candy of College Football. Lots of size, not much substance. A lot of taste at first, then it melts away when any real contact is made. Give-me-a-break.

8) Pastors do a lot more "sermon prep" on Saturday's in the Fall. As in, "I can't make it to the Chairman of the Deacons funeral this Saturday, I.. uh..need sermon prep."

9) Buy soft things that can be used as projectiles and thrown at the TV. And if you live in a parsonage, for the love of all that is holy, sound proof the TV room.

10) Enjoy College football. It is one of the most relaxing, de-stressing, and morally sound things I know! :)