Thursday, February 9, 2012

Things I Ponder When The Ushers Are Taking Up The Offering

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why is there a 's' in lisp?

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If you asked a librarian where the books on self-help were would she tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?

If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?


I really have a lot of work to do on Promoting Awareness Regarding Legal and Ethical Issues in the Biblical Counseling Ministry of the Local Church

Back to work, now….

Lord, commandist what Thou wilst, and grant what thou commandest. ~ St Augustine


Dan Smith said...

Very funny stuff!

Don the Baptist said...

Bless you. Made my day.

Don the Baptist said...

I often wonder what people are thinking when even I am thinking "will this sermon NEVER end?"

Steve said...

Thanks for the PR Dan!

Thanks for the encouragement Don. I love the Stubborn...Make that…Southern Baptist comment in your bio.

A few more submitted by friends.

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a bridge, what would happen?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?